You're getting the idea. Acts of kindness are those things you do INTENTIONALLY.
The kind and friendly things you easily do in response to others aren't what we are talking about. Everybody does those.
It is your willingness to shine a light into dark places that makes the difference: the darkness of a person's mood; the darkness of an awkward situation; the darkness of perhaps being shy around strangers.
An intentional act of kindness can totally change the person and the situation.
Notice their clothing, jewelry, pins, haircuts, even scars and disabilities. Ask, inquire, lament, comment, praise, appreciate: “Interesting pin.” “Great colors.” “I love your car.” “Sharp tie.” “That’s quite a scar on your arm, how’d that happen?” Noticing is friendliness alive.Use names. Remember names. Say them, and repeat them. Spell them to lock the names into your memory. Use them as much as possible. “Good morning, Harry.” “Have a good day, Gerry.” Ask for names. Keep on asking until you remember them. This is valuable risk-taking.Give a well-wishing farewell. “It was good to see you today.” Or “It has been a pleasure meeting with you today.” Even if it is merely a committee meeting, or a consultation with one or two persons, when you leave, say appreciative words about being with them. Avoid just departing silently. When you leave a gathering, declare clearly, “I really enjoyed being with you today.” A parting sentence often heard, after some kind of transaction, is “Have a great day.” You can then respond with, “I will, and you just made it better.”
Excerpt from 'Thirteen Secret Behaviors' section of Jim Kok's book, Transform Belief Into Behavior. Available here from Amazon.
These ‘Secret Behaviors’ are not truly secret—but they are far too often overlooked. The humble effectiveness of being friendly cannot be over-emphasized. People all around us are hungry for a touch of care, concern, love, even simple acknowledgement.
We're on a roll here — we're talking about those little things that you can do daily. Things that you, of course, do, as do most people. But . . . and this is the difference . . . you mostly do them when you feel like it You do them when they are an automatic response to someone.
Instead, what I am asking you to do, is to look for opportunities to do them intentionally, at times and in places, where it is not expected — times when these simple acts of kindness can make a huge difference for another person.
Show interest Ask people about their work, their car, their home, their children or grandchildren, pets, vacations, trips. Note: “When time allows” is an important qualifier here. Asking such questions, and then abruptly leaving, can cancel everything gained. When you ask the question, you must allow the time for them to answer. Attentive listening is vital. Showing interest is a powerful form of friendliness.Smile generously Our smile is always available. Remember to turn it on. Anyone, regardless of age, or level of intelligence, can lift another’s spirits with a smile. Not only is that person lifted — the one smiling is, too. Putting on a smile makes the person offering the smile feel better. Smiling even raises our immunity level! Frowns generate bad chemicals — smiles produce beneficial chemicals.Notice and mention feelings. One goal of friendliness is to lift another’s spirits. It is comforting and heartwarming when someone notices and acknowledges feelings. We heal someone more that way than when we try to change their sorrow, fear or anxiety by offering advice we think will help. For example, when noticing a tear in someone’s eye, we can say, “You’re feeling sad …” That is more heart-warming than “Cheer up”! Hurt feelings are healed by naming them. Sympathetic words are more helpful than reminding people verbally that Jesus cares. Caring people who show understanding effectively communicate Jesus’ love without having to verbalize it.
Excerpt from 'Thirteen Secret Behaviors' section of Jim Kok's book, Transform Belief Into Behavior. Available here from Amazon.
These ‘Secret Behaviors’ are not truly secret—but they are far too often overlooked. The humble effectiveness of being friendly cannot be over-emphasized. People all around us are hungry for a touch of care, concern, love, even simple acknowledgement.