90% of Helping Is Just Showing Up

"Thank you so much for the message you left on my answering machine,” she gushed.  “It really carried me through a difficult weekend,” she added.

It wasn’t the first time I heard that kind of appreciation.  Always I am mildly stunned.  Such a small contribution.  Such a big reaction.

People are thankful for acts of kindness, no matter how little.  Mostly they remember the one who showed up.  Often there is minimal recall of the substance of the contact.  The woman who so much appreciated my recorded greeting may not forget I called but what I said, no doubt, will slip quickly away.

It is easy to call a hurting person.  But the average man or woman  neglects the kind act.  As greatly as such calls are appreciated, as elementary as the procedure of doing it is, the calls are done rarely.  Too rarely.   

When we reach out to a struggling friend or relative, or even a neighbor or stranger, with a word, touch, card or call we literally give them a shot in the arm.  It works like a dose of good medicine.  It is good medicine.

I called a friend to inquire about his well-being during his course of chemotherapy.  His wife answered and said “Thank you for having the courage to call.”  Courage??  Is that what it takes?  Apparently.  Why else would kind folks put off these spirit-lifting contacts?  It must be fear.

When I ask people what they think is feared, they always say, “I’m afraid I will say the wrong thing.”  They fear hurting the person with inane or inappropriate comments, trite reflections or bad advice. Then a greater harm follows — they stay away. They leave the person alone. How sad!

Happily, as mentioned above, the reality is that most of the time the hurting person overlooks those dreaded poorly aimed arrows, those sentences that fail to hit the target dead center.  Brilliant remarks aren’t needed.  Saying “hello” is.

When you make contact with anyone recovering from, or in the middle of, a trying challenge, “hello” may be the main thing.  After that, listening takes over as the called one — who needs to talk — jumps at the opportunity afforded by your contact.  Nothing to fear.

If you have read this far you may now want to turn your energy into action. 

• Think of someone you could contact. 

• Follow through. 

• Set aside all reservations—fear, apprehension, nervousness, and especially all rationalizations that the call is not necessary. 

You will bless yourself by touching another.