I Forgot

Things I Forgot When My Friend Was Hurting

When the funeral services were over, I mentally and emotionally moved on to other things. I forgot that her grief was not over.

When she came home from the hospital, I forgot  that she still needed support and help.

When I saw her again several months later, I tried to avoid mentioning her husband who had died. I forgot that she still wanted to talk about him.

When their child died, I tried to encourage them by reminding them that they had other children, and by suggesting that they could have another child. I forgot that this one can never be replaced.

When he lost his job, I tried to cheer him up by pointing out all the possibilities that lay ahead of him. I forgot that he wasn’t ready to think of them yet. I forgot  to give him time to deal with the blow he had been dealt. I forgot to stand beside him in love and supporting care as he grieved and coped with a painful loss.

When she told me about her sadness when her cat died, I tried to empathize with her by telling her about a cat that I lost once. I forgot  that right now she didn’t care about my cat.I forgot that she needed my sympathy about HER loss, not trying to listen to someone else’s story.

When he told me about what a hard day he had been through, I thought I was sympathizing with him by telling how hard mine had been, too. I forgot  that my woes did not help him deal with his own. I forgot  to ‘leave my story at the door.’

I forgot to remember the things I’ve learned to do better. I forgot to remember that the right things to say and the right things to do don’t happen automatically.

I have to remember to think consciously of my words and actions. I need to remember that there are hurting people all around me, whom I can help and comfort by my caring acts and my attention.

I have to remember to be thoughtfully consistent in my desire to offer care and kindness.